A Wanted Woman

Most of my weeks are filled with tedious, mindless mom tasks, but last week started differently. I was offered a job. A job that coincided with my skill set extremely well…marketing, writing and real estate. I heard angels sing when I read the job description.

I’d been toying with the idea of going back to work. While staying at home has its perks, I miss using my mind for business. I miss interacting with adults about non-child related topics. I miss wearing dress pants and having meetings. It’s been seven years. It’s time.
I submitted my resume, was contacted later that day and landed an interview the following day. I dusted off my only pair of dress pants praying I didn’t have to bend over because the seam might bust wide open. I slipped on black heels I’ve owned for close to 10 years and threw stuff in my big purse that used to double as a diaper bag to look important.

When I showed up, it wasn’t an interview as more of a conversation. They briefly asked about my experience, but were more interested in if I was ready to work full-time. “Oh yes, I’m ready,” I said. Was I?

A plan came to mind during the interview. I would put my son in before and after school care at his preschool. I’d find before and after school care for my daughter, too. Or I have a friend who’s nanny needs more hours. Would that work? Would she take my son to and from school? Yes, we can work this out.

I cried most of the drive home after the interview. Mom guilt hit me for wanting to leave my children, for not loving staying at home, for thinking of putting my 4 year old in full time daycare, and for putting my goals ahead of my children’s needs.

I cried because being a stay at home mom is hard. It’s really frigging hard for me. I struggle with being patient. I struggle with the intense pressure put on mothers to give there kids an amazing childhood. I struggle with the boredom and isolation it brings.

I cried because it was amazing to be sought after for a job. They want me. ME! Because of my skill set and background.

The job was offered to me hours after the interview.  She offered me more than I expected and made wonderful promises. Potential to grow, pay for my real estate license, bonuses and raises.
I agonized over the decision, but decided against it. There were too many loose ends for childcare, and I wasn’t certain I wanted full time work just yet. With a few days behind my decision, I know I made the correct choice.

I was caught up in the excitement of being a wanted woman. Of being told what a great fit I was, how my talents matched so well with their needs. It felt warm, nice and intoxicating. But I sobered up and know something better will come along. Right?
So…who needs a kick ass writer to help them out? I know a good one in need of work!
#52essaysin2017

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