The Big Lice Scare

When the husband and I discussed having kids we spoke with friends who already had kids. They told us about late night feedings, endless diaper changes, “terrible twos,” potty training and more. But our friends left out a big gaping hole of major shit that goes down during childhood. No one mentioned the weird viruses and horrendous infectious diseases kids are susceptible to. Hand, Foot, Mouth disease, Fifth disease, and the always persistent lice. This past week we where the unfortunate recipients of a lice scare. In my books, this ranks right up there with a pregnancy scare because just like kids The Super Lice is forever. You can’t kill that shit.

The “lice call” came one evening after our daughter spent the day playing with a friend. Anxiety ran through my veins like  a lightening bolt. I raced upstairs, woke up my daughter and threw her in the bathtub. I scrubbed her blonde little head with shampoo laced with tea tree oil until she begged me to stop. My husband stripped her bedding, stuffed animals and all, and threw them in the washer. After the bath, I sprayed my daughter’s head with a tea tree oil/witch hazel mixture while I picked through her scalp like a gorilla looking for lunch.

In the morning I texted a lice-experienced friend. Taking her advice I wet my daughter’s hair with olive oil, added the oil/witch hazel mixture, and wrapped her head in Saran Wrap. The Saran Wrap combined with the oil is supposed to smother the lice? I’m guessing my friend didn’t intend for me to use Press and Seal Saran Wrap, but that’s all I had on hand. My poor girl’s super fine hair stuck to the wrap as I removed it. She might have a teeny, tiny bald patch on her head. But I didn’t see any of The Super Lice. Totally worth the pain in my opinion, but not sure my seven year old agreed. After a thorough inspection and re-application of the mixture, I sent my daughter to school smelling like a bottle of Pine Sol.

As soon as the school bus pulled away, I hauled ass to the nearest drug store. Now, I try to refrain from chemicals and use natural products when available in and around the house. But when it comes to The Super Lice, I will use all the chemicals needed to kill that shit. I stocked up on shampoos filled with chemicals that could kill lice and possibly make my daughter sterile, but it’s a chance we’re all willing to take to keep The Super Lice at bay. I threw in a big bottle of wine for good measure. The lady at the register said, “I’ve been there. Good luck.”  I left the store feeling itchy all over and counting down until an acceptable hour to pop the cork on the wine bottle.

That night our daughter stood in our shower crying while I doused her head with the lice shampoo. She said it was burning her head. I told her this is how it feels when you bleach or color your hair. I might as well put that memory into her brain now to ward off the desire to dye her hair purple during her teenage years.

So, we’re a ticking time bomb over here. I’m checking her scalp daily with the nit comb. So far, no lice, but I’m keeping gasoline and matches nearby. If we get The Super Lice in this house, I’m burning this place down.


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